Blog — Morgen

To me, kindness means to accept and hold yourself and others as a whole, resourceful and capable person. It also means being honest, being open-minded and to be non-judgemental. I know, it’s a lot to take in ;) Just let this sink in for a minute…

I’m speaking for myself when I say, it’s a lot easier for me to be kind to others than it is to be kind to myself (and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in this). When I see someone struggling my first instinct is to not judge and to lend a helping hand. To empower that person and make them see how awesome he or she is. Or when I see someone accomplish something, I want to acknowledge them and tell them how happy I am for them.

So why is it so hard to do these things for myself? Because I don’t want to be perceived as a failure, so I beat myself up when something isn’t immediately perfect. And when I’m doing something good, I don’t go out and celebrate, because there are so many other things to accomplish and what if others think of me as arrogant…

Sounds familiar? So how do we let go of this and be kinder to ourselves? Here is what I learned on how to tackle this along the way.

Tell yourself that even if you do fail at something, you are not a failure. You’re just someone who didn’t get it right this time. I also allow myself to take a step back and to do something that I truly enjoy. Like watching an episode of a tv show, reading a book or hang out with friends and then after that or the next day, pick up where I’ve left off.
Allow yourself to be happy about your accomplishments and celebrate yourself, in whatever way suits you. The people who matter to you will be eager to celebrate with you. So have that living-room dance party, go out for dinner or treat yourself on a self-care day!
Own up to yourself. Being confident doesn’t mean being arrogant. You can be good at what you do and share your knowledge, without bragging about it. Knowing what you bring to the table and how you can add value, is not arrogance, but well-deserved confidence.

Let me be clear, I’m still a work in progress and I believe I will always be. But reminding myself of these things and looking differently at words as ‘kindness’, ‘failure’, ‘arrogance’ and ‘confidence’ have really opened up my perspectives and changed my mindset. And I know this will be the case for you too. So allow yourself to be kind to yourself!

To be honest, a year ago, working with a coach wasn’t high on my list. So why did I start working with one and why did I even turn it into my career?

Let me start at the beginning. I had a hard time choosing what kind of studies I wanted to do. Like many others, I started a study, didn’t like it and dropped out. After that I thought hard and long about what it was that I wanted to do then, but somehow still followed advice from parents and others around me. I started Law School and didn’t love everything about it, but what I did love were the more philosophical courses, the courses that had a lot to do with people and had a humanistic approach and I really felt the need to help those who’ve had personal injury. So I chose to do a masters in Health Law. However, after graduating, I couldn’t find a job. I was not experienced enough, I was too young, or they just encountered budget cuts. I ended up working at the Provincial Government, in a job that I didn’t like and didn’t give me the space to work on what I’m passionate about: helping others. So I felt stuck. Almost 2,5 years later, my husband and I ended up moving to Canada. I thought, this was it, my opportunity to change up my career, pursue what I really wanted to do. Only to find out that, along the way, I kind of lost what it was that I wanted to do.

So, now what? I thought I could figure it out myself. I always loved fashion, (interior) styling and my job working in a fashion boutique during my studies. Other people around me told me that I never liked Law School and that fashion or (interior) styling could be something for me. So I thought that this might be my thing. I got into photography and also took photos of outfits that I wore. But I was never satisfied, it didn’t fulfil me. I was back again. Doubting myself, not knowing what I wanted, hearing only the voices from other people (who obviously meant well). I kind of lost track of my own voice and I started to take over the expectations that (I thought) others had of me. But every time I tried something, I ended up being back at the beginning. And then I didn’t even try anything anymore, which led to me not feeling very well. At that point, I knew I needed someone to help me figure this out and I started looking for a coach.

In my search for a coach I looked at different websites, asked around if someone had a good experience with a specific coach and I decided to have some sample sessions. I actually chose the coach I had my first (and only) sample session with, because I really had a good feeling about working with her. And soon I discovered I was so hung up on expectations other people had of me, or more precise, on expectations I thought other people had of me. I slowly learned to let go of this and started listening to my real voice again. It was actually very clear on what it was that I wanted in life: helping other people. And through these sessions I started gaining more and more clarity and even more confidence in myself (let me tell you, still not there yet, but we’re all continuously learning right?!). With that I figured out that I wanted to become a coach myself. And so I started.

If I look back to how I felt about myself, about my goals and even my purpose in life a year ago, I can truly say my life has changed so much for the better. And I wish this for everyone. To feel good about themselves and to know what they want to do in life, whatever that might be for them. I really believe a (life) coach can help make space to hear your own voice again and can help to pursue what it is you want in life. Working with a coach is an investment in yourself.

For me it was definitely the best investment I’ve made this year!