I was listening to an episode of the Unlocking Us podcast this morning during my run. In this episode, Brené Brown revisited FFT’s (F*cking First Times) and she mentions that FFT’s are never going away. There will always be new FFT’s, but knowing this does not automatically mean that they get easier or take less out of us. Because let’s face it, trying things for the first time always brings some level of nervousness and awkwardness.
But it does mean that we have to normalize discomfort, even go as far as expecting it. And with this, we have to respect the awkwardness and our inadequateness when trying things for the first time.
This means that sometimes, instead of reacting to FFT’s, we have to proactively choose them. We have to choose courage over comfort. We have to choose to be the learner instead of being the knower. We have to choose to be new at something. And while choosing this, we have to be compassionate with ourselves and others who are trying new things.
In other words: we have to embrace the suck.
So how do we do this?
Brené talks about 5 strategies that help her recover from F*cking First Times and how to (kind of) prepare for the ones in the future.
Name it.
Saying out loud that we are trying things for the first time, that we are new at it and that we think it is hard or that we feel uncomfortable.
I know for me it does bring me relief when I just come out and say that I find something scary or that I am nervous. Then it is out in the open and I do not feel the need anymore to overthink and thus make it bigger in my head.Give it perspective.
Reminding ourselves that this experience is not a permanent state we will live in forever. It will end and we do have evidence that we made it through other FFT’s.Reality check/expectations.
Look at what it is that you are trying and manage your expectations around it.
For example, lately, I have been watching quite some Korean series/movies and I was intrigued by the language. So much so that I decided to learn the language. So reality check: it has a completely different alphabet, I first have to learn to decipher the different letters before starting to learn the vocabulary. So of course I can not expect to be fluent within two weeks.Build in rest and recovery.
It is important to get enough downtime and sleep. Sleep is so important for our brain and we all know we can not function well if we sleep too little on a regular basis.
For example, I know how I feel after traveling to the Netherlands and I am basically skipping a night of sleep. After being awake for 35 hours I did feel tipsy :PStay in fit FFT condition.
Brené says that this is hard to determine and might look different for everyone. But she does mention something interesting about having a sense of neutrality (she refers to a passage written in the Alcoholic Anonymous Big Book). To neither run towards the thing we are craving, nor run away from it. She says, in order to do this we have to be spiritually fit. Or how I like to think about it, we have to have a fit mind. And for me, this means that I need to build in work-outs and regular walks outside the house. Because for me, I notice a big difference in my mind when I do these things than when I am at home all day.
You can listen to the full episode here - I highly recommend it. It did give me some new insights, motivation, and strategy to embrace the suck. I hope it does the same for you (let me know in the comments).
And I do think this is the perfect way to end 2020 and look forward to the new year, full of F*cking First Times!
