My brain is a busy bee, she is always busy thinking and coming up with ways to ‘protect’ me. She does not like it when I want to try new and unfamiliar things because it could potentially mean I could get hurt or be in danger. Instead, she likes it when I stay within my comfort zone. And I am certain that my brain is not the only busy bee out there ;)
Of course, we all know that this is not where actual life happens. It is not where we grow, learn new things, and gain new experiences.
However, it is not a surprise that our brain acts this way when stepping into an unfamiliar, unknown, or new situation. Because this is when our amygdala (an almond-shaped part of the brain’s limbic system) takes over and rings the alarm. Our brain comes up with some default thoughts in order to prevent us from going down that new road. We then simply react to signals and impulses in our brain and often this is when we go into flight, fight or freeze mode. Historically this was once very useful, but today it often no longer serves us.
Our prefrontal cortex, which is the ‘newer’, rational part of the brain located in the frontal lobes and the part where the reasoning, judgment, decision making, and planning happens, gets bypassed. Luckily for us, a lot of research has been done around neuroplasticity and we have learned that our brain has the ability to change. Researchers discovered that our brain changes in response to the experiences we have, the life we lead, and the thoughts we think.
A bit of a paradox right?! We need new experiences, step into unfamiliar situations, and think new thoughts in order to re-train our brain.
This means that we have to come up with ways to calm down our brain when we notice our default thoughts and limiting beliefs coming up and respond to it with more serving thoughts and beliefs. So how do we do this?
What has helped me (and believe me, it is something I am continuously working on) are some of the following things:
Raising awareness. What I mean is, getting to know that part of your brain and the thoughts/beliefs it tells you. How you can do this is by writing down your thoughts on a regular basis. This way you will get an overview of your thoughts, what thoughts are recurring, and therefore your default thoughts. You can also apply this to a specific situation.
Name that part of your brain. Often when we hear those thoughts, we think those are who we are as a person. By giving that part of your brain a name, helps disconnect from it. For example, I have named that part of my brain Judgy B. So whenever Judgy B comes up with un-serving thoughts, that I am now aware of, I can call her out. I can talk to her as if I would talk to a friend. And I thank her for the input and also tell her that this is not how I am doing things anymore.
Replacing thoughts. Since you have raised your awareness, and you have given that part of your brain a name, you also can come up with thoughts or ways that would be more serving to you. You know what you would like to do, you know what you would want, so what are thoughts that might help you get there. Make those thoughts believable, do not go from 0-100, but opt for an in-between.
Also, do not forget to breathe in between. Whenever you notice limiting beliefs or un-serving thoughts come up, make sure to take a couple of deep breaths before jumping into replacing your thoughts.
As an example of all of the above: when my brain tells me that I am not skilled or experienced enough to be hired by a company, I would normally beat myself up for it because I would believe this to be the truth. When I believe that I am this unskilled and inexperienced person, I am not comfortable putting myself out there and I probably won’t take any action applying for jobs.
However, now I am aware of those thoughts that Judgy B is telling me, I can say: “I hear you and thank you, and although I might not have all the skills or experience (which in itself is pretty impossible anyway) I do believe I can learn new things”. So I can look into what I need to learn in order to get the job that I want. Which will lead to me taking thoughtful action and moving myself forward.
Will you give this a try?
And please do share with me in the comments (or through e-mail if that is more comfortable for you) what opens up for you when you do.
